All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblances to real persons,living or dead, animals, furniture and bathroom are purely coincidental.
The writer excused himself to go to the bathroom. Opening the majestic white double door adorned with gem-like thingies, he peered inside. The walls were stylized with clay bricks and cement-like substance, that looked just like cement but not, and carved surrealistically from the top to the bottom. “Saab likes expressionism”, thought he. And then his eyes moved toward the toilet upon which a dark raccoon sat with his wide eyes peering back at him dangerously. The writer smiled and gently closed the door. ‘What a beautiful place’, thought he. He returned to the room where the other person sat on a comfortable sofa contemplating something. “I’ve got it”, the person said, “Let’s make him jump from a helicopter and land on those goondas. How’s it?”.
“But sir, a lot has been done like that. No. Here the sidekick clearly says that the hero will arrive in a way that no one has ever arrived before.”
“How about a cycle-rickshaw? No one has ever done that.”
“Sir, Auto. Auto-rickshaw.”
“Sir? Didn’t get you.”
“Nothing.. So, the hero is driving an auto-rickshaw. And for the punch, lets add a barrier in his way. A huge wall. He steps on the gas and puts it in full speed and blasts his way through the wall: symbolic to the fact that he will break down all the barriers in his life to live a carefree one, be it some random wall, building, goondas or marriage”, his smart-phone rang and he spoke into it, “Dubey? Yes. It’s me. Don’t call Rimi, okay? Okay.”
“And then, Sir, he lands on the ground and walks out the rickshaw staring menacingly at the goondas and he takes out his gun and-”
“No. Not good. How about this? He continues riding his auto-rickshaw and rams it on the goondas.”
“Found in most Rajnikant films sir”, the writer said.
“Well, Then while inside the auto, the hero kicks the ground which causes a long iron rod to rise up just enough for the hero to get hold of it and place it on the auto with one end protruding from the front and then with the goondas staring at him in horror, he does a wheelie, transforming the rod into a sword and he proceeds to-”
“Do you dare interrupt me when I am in my mood?”
“No sir. I said ‘Stoppie’. It can be a stoppie.”
“Good. So, the hero does a stoppie and turns the auto round attacking the goondas who are standing strategically around the sidekick in a circle, and the back tyre of the auto moves towards the sidekick’s face in slow motion threatening to kill him which rouses the suspense of the audience. But the sidekick bends back, the tyre missing him inches.”
“Like the matrix sir?”
“Well.. More than matrix”, smiled the person, “and the villeins scatter around after being hit by the rod and the hero saves the sidekick who lives on to get caught another day. You add all this with some bike stunts, some helicopter stunts, some boat stunts, some loud tweaked Hollywood background score and rope in Abhisheik and Uday and Aishwarya-”, interrupted by a phone call, “What? Really? Why? That woman. Okay okay”, looking at the writer, “Aishwarya is off the project. Well.. I think Kat will do great, won’t she? Yes she will. Remind me to call her later. And then you add some of that Dhoom music, twice or thrice will do. And that is how you transform an ordinary story into a Dhoom franchise. Get it?”
A huge enthusiasm filled the room and tears dropped down the writer’s eyes. “Vaah!”, the writer said looking at the director’s face who was busy complimenting himself of how big a genius he was.
“But-”, said the writer after a long pause, “sir, this is very risky. It will be a huge work for the stunts-guys, the effects-guys, the prop-guys, the cinematographer and will involve a hell of cash-”
“Shut up”, said the director, who was not at all listening to him, but was more focussed on the biscuit that he just dipped in the hot Chai. “Ah, screw them. You are the writer, mind your own business and let them mind theirs and I’ll mind mine”
And the writer proceeded to tell the director exactly what he wanted to hear : “Genius!”.
* * *
Author’s note : I actually liked Dhoom 3. Felt it was okay.